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Iapos;m a little worried.

I only got four hours of sleep the night before because I closed at work and then had to get up very early to go to a meeting in Albany, and then I worked the mid shift yesterday.� Last night, when I was exhausted, I couldnapos;t sleep because my back hurt.� This morning it is killing me.

I hope itapos;s just because Iapos;m so tired and worn out, and not because I did something.

Please send me good healing vibes

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I got a reminder of Hurricaine Katrina this morning. A painful reminder.

My boot heel finally wore down enough to push an embedded nail into the bottom of my foot. The nail was driven into my boot heel while I was doing New Orleans clean up in March apos;06. Fortunately, the nail didnapos;t break skin; I pulled the thing out with some pliers, and the nail looked like something youapos;d see in a Tetanus awareness ad.
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I�seriously wonder, why is it now, then I realise how fun School actually is. Haha.
Okay, weapos;ve really got alot of plans to do after the Oral Presentation. Omgomg, why must there be OP? i hate pw. I hate pw. Anyway, Yes�I swear this coming holiday will be so much of fun�:D � Physics SPA�today. I didnapos;t go memorize those errors etc yesterday, was super duper tired. it have really been ages since I went to bed at 11plus. Oh yes, I was supposed to meet boyfriend yesterday, but I totally forgot about it cause have to rush the WR��I forgot to msg her about it�Sorry�Yes, Avelineapos;s super random today. Haha. First person I know that will get so high over Mee Goreng. Yes. LOL. She tell me she got an idea for the chalet, so I was actually quite curious about the idea. "We can bring Mee Goreng there" Aveline ah, alamak�Mee Goreng no.1 fan�

No chinese lesson today, so left early instead of the usual 5pm�Coffee bean-ed with Van, Jia Hui �Zixiu�Haha. Damn funny. This random unknown person sent Zixiu this application/game. apos;"Masterbation Pro". And yes, of course. Thereapos;s different kinds of vibration. And Zixiu go accept it la�Damn funny. Gossiped, laughed alot. Haha. No sharing of whatever mentioned alright. (:� Out tomorrow after school with Jia Hui �Zixiu. meeting up with the seventh for dinner�

Argh, next weekapos;s lessons are either for PW�or chinese.I thought like, we can go school anytime. but we still got to go for morning assembly. Argh, like what the hell right. Never mind.
I wanna go to Night Safari� Hearing Wei Qiang saying about the Halloween stuff, like so fun can. Anyone?�(:








Perhaps, things ainapos;t that bad either. (:
pretty soon.



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Fuck. I am binging, right now, on fucking pastry, i am a fucking failure. I hate myself so much, today was so good i had burnt alot of cals and only had 3 calories but then i just totaly ruined it by binging, right now im binging, on pastry, i cant even stop myself as im typing this, im so upset, i dont even want to know how many cals it is. I seriously want to die, i feel like i will never be thin, i always go great during the day, but usually during late night i just eat like the fat pig i am i hate myself so much please someone comfort me, anything, all i am doing is telling myself tomorow iapos;ll do better, and i know i will, but i cant even purge after this becuase my parents are in the living room and will hear and sense out toilet is seperate from the bathroom i cant use the old tricks... But like theres these public toilets like right near our house,,� i think i should sneak out and go and purge there... Its the only way to be ok.

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Its been such a hard week for me. School has been giving me such a hard time.�its hard to not cry. She just keeps yelling at me, telling me Iapos;m worthless and she wants me to die. Calling me names. Sheapos;s making me go insane, my minds just somewhere else. I cant think. I honestly wish I had the balls to kill myself. Iapos;m serious, I regret even being born.�Fuck my life.
And to top it all off, the guy Iapos;m crazzzzzzzzzzyyyyyyy about is just being stupid. Iapos;m going to stop holding on, Iapos;m going to stop chasing after everything I want, because Its never going to happen. My camera gone. I promised Iapos;d let my Grandma use it when sheapos;s out of town, and I told her its at my friends house and she said this too me....
apos;You care about your friends more then me?apos; I just broke down. Iapos;ve always let my family down, and always put friends before family. I suck. And you know the funny thing is?�Nobody even cares. They wouldnapos;t help me replace it When Iapos;d do ANYTHING for my friends. I barrow them money, I give them cloths, when they come to my house everything thats mine is theres. People think Iapos;m such a horrible friend, but you know what?�Iapos;m not. I do alot of things for my friends, and Iapos;d do anything for them. But its HILARIOUS how they donapos;t care about me. Everything comes before me. And they fucking LIE to me alot. I honestly donapos;t know what to do anymore. And I had this one guy friend right?�He was my bestfriend, but now he just changed. I cant stand it. I miss him, more then anything. I really wish my life could go back to normal...


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So yeah, I havenapos;t written in a few days. I got my Western CiV test back today...I thought I failed it. Well I got a C- and I canapos;t complain about that because I completely bullshat the answers. Tomorrow I get my Spanish, Math, and Geography test back. Actually as of right now Iapos;m procrastinating from reading geography because itapos;s so god damn boring. Tomorrow my first paper for English is due...I actually finished it a couple days before it was due, usually I wait until the night before. I am so agervated with my family right now..what disgusting group of individuals they are. The house is about 80 degrees...and I hate high temperatures, I canapos;t wait till winter and I hope itapos;s a real cold one. So yeah my boss was in a real pissy mood today, must be that time of the month, or perhaps the tide went out again. My guess he got into some kind of fight with his girlfriend.� It smelled like rotting eggs at work today too, I guess he had the sewer cleaned out or something...whatever. I donapos;t feel like writing anymore.
Late

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Right...im going to have to make some sort of plan if i want my self-control back. Im gonna have to start off slow. Tomorrow wont be too hard cuz im @ uni most of the day so...iapos;ll have a bowl of cereal in the morning for metabolism. At lunch time iapos;ll have a cup of tea and then for dinner iapos;ll have another bowl of cereal. Thatapos;ll keep the calorie count low without me being too hungry to ease myself back into this.
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